I finished all my gift wrapping last night, I have not made the holiday cookies yet, so maybe that will be this weekend. Tomorrow I head to my moms to spend it with her, my step-dad, my brother and his family and I cannot wait! I’ll spend the night there, unless I really miss the cats and then head to my Aunt Rita’s on Christmas day unless the weather is really bad, since my car is not in the best shape. Addy and I have made plans to do a movie later that night and I’m thinking about Sherlock Holmes, because I REALLY want to see it. At some point over the weekend Solon and I will do lunch/dinner and maybe some video games. Sunday morning is breakfast with Karrin. Not the original plans I had, but it will still be a good weekend.

Last night the_matras  and I talked. He confirmed everything loopygirl and I had told the other and then later she I confirmed things. We wanted to make sure the lies had stopped.
 
I do feel like I finally have the truth and see the entire picture. I know the last of my anger is leaving me, but the hurt will be there for a while. I told the_matras that outside of things with my car or game if he wanted a friendship it was all on him and that he needed to make amends in a serious way for us to ever have a friendship again, since there was no way outside of divine intervention I would ever take him back after being played the fool for over year. He said he would, but I’ll believe it when he does some of those things and not before then.
 
I know that this situation has placed a few people in more than a precarious position and I am sorry for that. I hope now that the truth has come out your lives can return to their normal bat channel. I know some of you may also have questions and be worried. You're not prying, you may ask, please don't be afraid to if you are worried.
 
When loopygirl and I talked last night, one of the things said was that the past is just that, the past and that we need to be able to take away lessons learned, both good and bad. I think one of the most important lessons I will be taking away is that you need to cut out the middle men.

 I talked with the_matras  today and with loopygirl and I don't think I could have really cleaned the wounds with out her. Did I get answers, yes. Were they the ones I wanted, no, but you never get the answers you want when your real life becomes a horrid soap opera. It's late and I'm tired, I might write more later when I get sleep.

This past week and weekend has been filled with much drama and pain; however, something important did happen outside of all this.

I graduated with a Masters of Arts in Training & Development from Roosevelt University. It took me two and half years to do this, and this was something I did for myself and something I take pride in. My mom, step-dad Dana, Tricia and her son Christian were there for me, and really outside of my grandparents and Dad being there it was perfect. Tricia drove me home and she stayed with me the rest of the night, which was great. Even better than that is that we are making plans for her to come up and spend a week or so with me before her classes start up again. This of course is the best holiday gift I could get. Granted Bug, won’t really like having the baby at the apartment, but Mischief seems to like him just fine.

On a side note, I think the only creatures capable of true unconditional love are animals. They don’t care how bad your day has been, of if you are sick. They love you all the time, regardless of anything and come out to show their support when life is hard, because they just seem to know. Bug and Mischief cuddled me all weekend, and only let me alone when it was time to go to bed, and only then because they are not allowed to be in the bedroom. Having to sleepy cats on you while reading a book, sipping hot coco and having the TV on to it’s a White Christmas makes it easier to not have fits of depression and bouts of tears and anger.

loopygirl  and I have been talking/texting and emailing much of this weekend. While our honesty with the other has come with a great deal of hurt and at a high price I am very grateful for it. We both have a lot to think about and come to terms with, and none of it will be easy. I know her and the_matras talked last night and that he confirmed to her much of what I had told her. This is a huge relief to me, as I know that I have been called a lair and I feel my reputation has been more than tarnished in all this and this is something that really and truly bothers me. I am not perfect, but I do pride myself on being honest and the fact that I have been called a liar hurts me more than I have words to say. I hope that I will be given the same respect and that things will be explained to me, because it is the least that I deserve.

I needed to feel normal so I gave the cats a bath this morning and then did some work. I just back from going to the book store and got 2 books I have been wanting for a while, and a new calendar.

I decided to go out last night, and I ended up at garou, where I saw the_matras  for a few minutes and had a chance to talk with him in private.  My mind is simply spinning with everything I have been told recently. It's like a bad dream and bad soap opera all in one.

loopygirl  and I have talked this weekend. A lot of things were said, a lot is much clearer now, which is not to say there is not a lot of hurt going around, because there is. All that being said, I'm glad we talked I only wish we would have done so sooner, so much could have been avoided then. There is a lot want to say, but I'm not sure I will, at least not on here and there are a few questions I have, but the reality is that only one person can answer them. I hope that this person will I deserve that at the very least. A fool. I feel like a fool.

Ah Karma.....it always comes back to get you.

I had a talk with someone today, it went very well actually and helped to clear the air in many ways and open our eyes.

I'll say more later, when I know how to say what I am thinking.

As promised...

1. With all of your current working out and losing weight that you have done. What is your final goal and what promted this new program?

Starting back at the beginning, I missed feeling 'healthier'. Tried getting back to running, which I used to love, but my lungs disagreed with me. Started re-working push ups. Got into kettlebell work (which was a LOT of fun) and from there found CrossFit. I wish I'd found it sooner, for so many various reasons. :)
I don't think I have a 'final' goal, that would imply an end. I do have a number of changing goals.
Ones I've hit already:
Drop clothing size, at least one! Getting new/larger clothing is too expensive. (Current status: Dropped from 18/20 in most items, or XL as a rule, to a 12 or a M/L. Very occasionally can fit into 10s, depending on cut.)
PUSH UPS! One honest, good range push up. (Status: Chest-to-floor push up achieved! I managed 2 consecutive a couple of weeks ago, have not gone for max effort lately, or '# in 1 minute' at all, yet. Probably will within the next couple of weeks, maybe soon.)
Pull ups! Improvement needed. Would like to do dead hangs on a blue band. (Status: Blue is the next 'less resistance' band I can use. I've used it in warm-up work. I can do a few kipping pullups with it, but the deadhang remains elusive. I've got a couple of weeks to the end of the year, though! :) I first started on orange... Orange -> black -> green -> blue)
Deadlift my own bodyweight! Goal set at starting, at 183lbs. (Status: My single rep max a couple of months ago hit it and THEN SOME! 95kg went up! It's my FB userpic right now. :D )
Run 400m without stopping. (Status: Done. Not exactly FAST, but I don't break down from wheezing anymore!)
Attempt a rope climb. (Status: Climbed to the rafter!)

I've got some new goals. Triple-digit deadlift. 5 C2D push ups. General improvement. I figure as I get older my goals will eventually shift to maintenance, but that shouldn't be for quite a while.

2. What do you consider is your greatest success in life so far?

Success? ME? Um. Surviving life, I suppose. Raising the children. Keeping true to myself as much as possible, although here I can't say I've been very successful... but it's one of the really hard ones. I do the best I can, which varies. :) Staying focused and motivated to keep on things.

3. Conversely what do you consider is your biggest failure in life so far?

Those I've got a lot of. Drives Giles nuts. ;) Once I would have said "living up to my potential"... but that was mostly from younger years of hearing that sort of thing all the time. These days, I'll settle happily for 'finding my potential'. :D I suppose I don't think there's any major failure, really... just lots of basic things I'm bad at, and while there's a couple of vague regrets (going to college and the like) I really wouldn't change anything now. :)

4. What is your dream job and why?

I don't have one. Never really have. There are jobs I would enjoy, I think - but nothing sticks out as a dream. There are ways in which I would like to live, though. I sometimes think I wouldn't mind living in a more 'survivalist' manner, if we had enough space to manage it in. I do wish I could make a better living with the following: something I am good at, something creative, physically-oriented, non-cubicle, helpful. Some decent sprinkling of the aforementioned would be good. For a very long time I wanted to be a firefighter... I still do, to be honest. My dad was one. I miss the station. :) Giles does not like the idea, though, and I enjoy being married. ;D I often think of starting a business, but seriously, what would I do?!? I like crafting, and cooking, but I know about the back-end of the craft show circuit and it is nasty and evil and trying to stand out and be profitable is somewhat hit-or-miss, and cooking (and other things like soapmaking and the like)... there are SO MANY stupid rules®s and I am afeared of the FDA. *lol*

5. Have you ever considered coming back and playing Ashes Vampire again?

Yes. I've considered it. I may, someday... but mostly I just think it would be a very bad idea.
I'm done with the stupid drama. I have no patience for it anymore, and I'm a much healthier person for not dealing with it anymore.
I dislike the backbiting and the negativity in Vampire (as I dislike the clique-ish-ness and renown rules for Garou) and I dislike trying to have fun while the biggest thought in the back of my head is wondering when my character will die. :(
The best times I've had gaming have been while I've been having FUN, with a great overarching, compelling story, and a few good people to play with. I don't like backstabbing as a rule. I hate the paranoia that builds. Again, I think I'm a better person for not dealing with it on a regular basis.
That all being said, I still miss it, because there WERE some kickass times and great stories, I miss the playing, the socializing, hanging out with friends I don't see otherwise. So I might drop in sometime.

Let's see...

Immediate family as well as can be expected. :) No major disasters that I'm aware of.

Giles and I are still getting by, he keeps getting his work schedule juggled around (especially now with the Retail Season upon us) but we get a fair bit of downtime together. Now, if only we weren't so wiped/worn/stressed that we could enjoy the time together a bit more? :D

Workouts have been fun. :) Last Saturday's meet was nifty, I posted video already so that's taken care of. I'm planning on getting better for next time. ;) Y'know, whenever 'next time' happens to be, as I've no clue. But whatever.

The CRAZY LONG HAIR is no more. Yes, end of last week I had it cut. The four initial ponytails that were used to separate the hair for cutting/shipping vary in length, but it's all around 14"-16" was cut off. It's still just past my shoulders.

I'm planning on doing crazy stuff with it, if I can get past that whole stupid self-doubt thing, instead of hearing that mental background voice (that often seems to sound like my mother, go figure) saying "You're not pretty/young/nifty enough to get away with that" - or the variety of "You're too old, your kid's teacher might react badly, it'll look hideous on you anyway, don't waste the time or money".... Yeah. It's annoying. Being so close to the holiday isn't helping either; it's probably a good idea to wait until after Xmas to do this, so I don't have to deal with screaming fits from a couple of family members... but I don't want to lose my nerve by then!! It's hard enough to deal with the thought NOW. XD

Anyway.

I'd been enjoying Dragon Age: Origins up until Giles realized he really liked it too. :D I still miss WoW. However, I just don't have the time to sit on the couch for hours, nor do I have the money+time for WoW (I know it's only 15$, but why spend it if I could only play for a couple of hours a month? Not worth it).

I've been trying to keep the house at least from getting worse (*lol*) and starting to think about getting the wood and the dremel carving bits out, plus it's about time to start planning gardening. It'll be a busy few months soon enough. :) Too many plans, too many projects, not enough time/money/hands! And motivation. By the time I get a chance to relax and go do something I want to do, I'm usually more interested in just the relaxing part. ;) My own fault, my own problem.

I miss hanging out and seeing people. I also miss quiet time to myself.

And as always, my time is cut short; the girls have gotten quiet and the baby's starting to yell again. *eyeroll*
*hugs*

Six humans trapped by happenstance
in black and bitter cold
Each possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
the first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking 'cross the way
Saw one not of his church
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death's stilled hands
Was proof of human sin,
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.

-James Patrick Kinney (1970’s)

I washed my cell phone by accident. Please email your number to melissa.morrison@gmail.com

Thanks

Last Saturday, I went down to Windy City CrossFit for their Olympic Weightlifting Meet. ^_^ Non sanctioned, just-for-kicks style. A bit light on the rules (slight presses allowed, singlet not necessary!) but a lot of fun.

Nerve-wracking, but fun. :)

Garth was awesome and brought his camera down, and Giles was equally awesome and played videographer! :) Garth has posted up the clips per participant from our group. We had a blast! (Once we stopped shaking from nerves. *lol* )




Final weight on the Snatch: 32kg. (Regrettably, I under-shot; I later rechecked and realized I've done 32.2 for a Hang Power Snatch at the Fort before. Oh well. 25 -> 27? -> 32.)
Final weight on the Clean & Jerk: 47kg. (Yay! I got talked into (scolded, rather!) going higher on my second and third lifts here. 35 -> 42 -> 47. Previous PR was 45. :D Could maybe have done 50 if I weren't shaking so badly. *lol* )

Need to work on form!!!! Could be hauling much more weight if I can just get the hang of dropping underneath the blasted bar. I wouldn't have to pull it up so high. It's mostly a mental thing, I just can't convince my body to throw itself UNDER something heavy. XD

Fun time, long day, still; very glad it's over! I certainly didn't win my weight class, but it was really nifty to head out and watch everyone. Actually looking forward to another round, sometime. :)

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